Only One Set of “Footprints”…Explains My Life…Now Placed in the Light there are Two
I came into this world unwanted by my biological parents. Two of the most rebellious youngsters of the early 60s, not sure which one was worse, the father who denied signing my birth certificate or the mother who only became pregnant to “pin down” the guy she was determined to have one way or another, little did she know at the time, he’d only denied me in court in exchange for a new car his mother had promised him if he did so.
My mother, the youngest out of seven siblings a spoiled rotten girl, was used to having her way all her life. Overwhelmed with rage after she‘d learned she was outwitted by his mother, suddenly realized she was a single mother, the shame she had brought to her house in those days and finally accept my grandfathers rejection, she turned all her hate against me and abandoned me, lucky for me my grandmother was keeping track of my where about, she came for me.
My grandparents raised me till the age of 9, went to church weekly and to a good school and they gave me love and stability. This is when my biological mother decides to write them to request of them to send me to her, I was in Chile and I was to travel to NYC. My grandparents were faced with great pain, and a decision had to be made, the assassination of President Allende had just taken place they knew not only were they old but my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer at that particular time and laws for the Country under President Pinochet were unstable. Although they did not trust my mother’s claims of maturing since she was a new mother of an 11mo boy and that she and her new man in her life would love to have me join the family. This man, once owner of 5 race horses also a drug Traficant, whom she met and lured him to abandon his wife and 3 children in Peru, was now in the USA with her working 2 shifts to make ends meet due to of a private government investigation ended in freezing all his assets, they were stuck in America. I was sad to leave my grandparents but so excited to finally meet the mother I’d often wondered why she didn’t want me, I so wanted her love and was eager to be with her, how little that I knew back then what awaited me.
Her greeting was not one I expected, she was cold, noticed her false acts frequently around her friends and how she flirted with their spouse, her partner, my brothers dad, was always working came home to her scenes and often threatened him, manipulated him ,threw things at him, it was horrible, I feared her. It wasn’t long she started beating me till she’d see blood she wouldn’t stop, called me awful hurting names, she only called me by my name when we had visitors, had to clean the whole house and take care of my baby brother. Later she also made her man beat me, he would take all his anger on me and beat me unconscious, sometimes I’d wet myself from the whips inflicted on my small skinny body, next day she’d checked my body in the shower in offer to choose my clothing that would cover the bruises on my body, she’d threatened me constantly that if I ever mentioned anything to anyone she’d hit me harder. Soon after I remembered that man began touching me in a manly manner, then raping me using my mother as a threat, saying “of you tell your mother who do you think she’ll believe, she’ll kill you” …. I was grieving with emotional pain, truly missed my grandparents (she’d stood right there when she’d called them, so to calm my grandpa to tell him I was fine and happy)I found myself so alone and terrified I ran away from home at the age of 10.
Long story short, after in and out of juvenal courts and juvenal institutions, I refused to talk to the judge, or caseworkers, my mother would paint an good show, tears and fake fainting attacks claiming I was such a rebellious child to please help her she missed me…. All in the attempt to have them send me home which I refused, she only wanted her government check to be of a larger allowance. In those days, caseworkers didn’t take a deeper look into possible sex molestation beatings, should they had me examined they would of placed those two in jail right there and then. As long as I refused to go back with her I knew I’d be safe even if I shared my surroundings with true violent juvenile delinquents, the beatings were not everyday at least and the sex that went around was among those who consented. All I had to do was keep shut and not tell the supervisors when these took place. I couldn’t bear being there either; I’d remember the loving life I had with my grandparents, so I remembered praying. Praise the Father in Heaven and Yahushua for I cried out my pains to sleep telling him how I felt, why did my mother didn’t love me, I asked him, I told him I wanted to leave there, I told him that I knew about his command of “honoring father and mother” and that I didn’t want to be with her, to please forgive me for saying that.
A few weeks after, I remember on our usual walk to the Hospital for our daily meal, I looked around and I felt for the first time to escape. So I told other girls I had made friends with and we planned it. One day once we were out, we kept our distance from the line as we walked, then all of a sudden we ran and ran without looking back, we heard the whistle blowing, I got scared and started to pray as I ran, took the woods, can’t remember when we got scattered, but through the woods I could see the road, car passing, so I paused and waited for I knew they would send police cars to make rounds around the areas. As it got darker I approached the road and made a truck driver stop, he immediately asked me if I was lost, I said no, I didn’t want him to call the cops, so I said I knew where I lived if he could please take be down the hill to the next city that I would take the bus from there. Don’t ask me how these words came out or how he just did as I asked for now I can firmly say, this was only one of the many doors the Father in Heaven has opened for me, in Yahushua’s name as I asked in prayer.
I was in the street but not for weeks, for I liked to wait for the kids to come out of school, soon made friends and they told their mother of me as an abused child, the mother came to the yard and asked me if I’d go home with her, that she’ll take care of me and she did, I helped around the house for I knew she didn’t have much and did not complain of money but I was another mouth. In the downstairs of the building was a Bar, so I asked the owner if she’d paid me if she’d let me clean the glasses, floors, bathrooms, etc. This Brazilian woman was nice but strict, her daughter were the dancers (male entertainers) beautiful and young, but they were very united and listened to their mother, their unity, love and respect reminded me of my grandparents home because I remembered kindness and happiness. The mother was bold when she spoke, she spoke truths, and she taught me of men as she knew them…. Not to trust their words, for they are weak, they’re quick to run when trouble arises, and most of all unfaithful …. With my past, you can say I had nothing more than ears for her, I believed the words she was saying for no one had said these things to me and I wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to be raped again. I wanted to belong, for she showed care, protection, she made sure all things were taken care of, from food, clothing and managed the business articulately …. I admired her strength it was something I wanted to learn, I noticed she possessed kindness and patience for her daughters and a cold firm heart for business.
I learned and listened, she liked me I could tell, she said I was beautiful, but if I wanted not to be found by the police she would teach me, must do as she said; so she cut my long beautiful hair, gave me a sophisticated sassy cut, placed hi heels on me and a nice tube skirt, made my baby face up with some makeup…. Wow, I looked very attractive, she said I would be next to her side at all times and that she’ll teach me to serve drinks, that if I knew how to smile nice but prudent her business gentleman clients will be more than glad to tip me nicely. I was making so much more money that I expected; soon I was buying my own clothes and was able to give the lady where I was staying money to help her out. The Brazilian woman took care of me as she said, she watched me closely, her clients were all business owners and respected me, and they would sit and go out with other entertainers. She even got me a false serving permit card that said I was 21.
This is where I met the father of my daughter, he owned the building, was a Contractor and also an investor. I noticed him coming to bar more frequently once I met him, the bar owner decided to tell him the truth about me behind my back, she knew he was a good hearted man, that his attraction to me was strong so she aimed to prevent misfortunes. One day, this was odd, but there was a raid, police men came in and I panic and ducked behind the bar, I thought it was for me, I looked at the corner there stood my father’s daughter, may he rest in peace, pointed to the side door and opened it, I slid though so fast , I was outside suddenly I see him pull up in a car opened the door and asked me to get in fast, I was trembling and was begging him please don’t let the police take me, he played along, asked why, in a matter of seconds I confessed all what my mother and her ,man did to me.
He drove around so that I can calm down, and then stopped at a Motel, he said he would not hurt me and he didn’t. He slept in one bed and I in another. Next morning, he fed me, he asked me if I wanted to stay with him, he said if I wanted to continue working as I did, I said I can clean his home and care for his things, then he asked me to wait as he went in the Bar, didn’t take long, then he took me to his house. He said he’d buy more furnishings; he was going thru a bad divorce. (his ex wife had become pregnant with his cousins baby, of course he didn’t say this at the time)
He was never home, he worked very hard and on the weekends he was out dancing or with his friends, never told me this just said he had meetings, I never asked. As time passed, he would treat me so kindly, I trusted him, began to have feelings for him. He was a sharp dresser, sophisticated, charming and a gentleman. He’d like to buy me nice dresses, although I never asked, he wanted me to look nice for when he’d take me out. I lived with him 2 yrs before it became intimate by consent, I wanted to belong to him, I thought of myself as his spouse.
I didn’t use any protection, I didn’t know there was such a thing, and he never said anything. I remember I knew I loved him, I was so very happy…. I prayed to the Father I wanted to be a mother, I felt my child would one that would love me and I promised the Father I would be a good mother. My conception was about 8mo after, it was around Christmas time, I remember because my birthday is on the 23rd and I had just turned 16, and we had gone to his mothers for the Holiday dinner and at the table I became so sick, nauseous as never before….. so everyone looks at him and I had no idea of what was going on. The following week his cousin takes me a doctor and confirms my pregnancy of 5 weeks.
The first 3mo were very symptomatic, I wasn’t able to get up from the bed, was experiencing severe headaches, nausea (which I’m terrified from). He’d started going out on weekends, would leave me at his mother’s house for the weekend. One day, I became so moody I just left her house and took the train back home; I wanted to wait for him at home. As I reached the house I seen light were on, so I thought he was home ….. and he was, but as I got closer the noises confirmed he wasn’t alone, he had a lady company. My heart dropped, I’d recognized once again the deception and the pain in my heart. I confronted him, said why and how could he…. In tears I just took my clothes and left, not knowing where to go I just took the train and let it ride. I spent two and a half months in the subways; no one would give me a job because of the Insurance hazards.
Hungry, scared, without Medical care for 6 months I started thinking of my baby… I had no choice but to call my mother. I got called about every name in the book, so humiliated, but for the love for my child I swore it would be till I gave birth. She immediately called Social Services, said I was a minor and pregnant and that her monthly income was in need of an increase, all she could think about was the money. The Caseworker told her once I had the baby the allowance would be separate, in other words for me and my Childs independently. Soon as the baby was born and she began to persuade me to stay home and not to notify the Caseworker that I would get a job, since I didn’t she threw me out of the house. I called a friend, she took me in, and a month later we shared an apartment.
I’ve always prayed to Our Heavenly Father in Yahushua’s name ….. I can truly say that he’s been the light in my path, the protector from evil of this world and has given me the strength to stand up and walk thru the pains of this world. With perseverance and faith he has given me the knowledge as weapon to have become a Business Manager without a High School Diploma, a Diploma in Cosmetology, made me efficient and respected in Society because I walk in truth in my word and hold to be trustworthy, I have chosen to be in non other because of what life has handed me at birth, seeking for Him and in His light I know both the Father and Yahushua are there as my original Creators, every time I prayed with my heart in Yahushua’s sweet name he has answered me; I bought a two family house in a nice residential area when I was just 30, my daughter has never wanted for anything while she was under my care. There was a time I was bitten by a deadly spider, the venom was eating my flesh, people who knew of this spider said most die from it…. two large wounds specialists fought to control for two years, they were giving up, I could see the pity in their eyes could hardly tell me they would soon had to amputate my legs. I was terrified and scheduled for a debridement on the wounds, the night before I managed to kneel and prayed in Yahushua’s name, implored that it be his hands on the operating table, begged for his mercy and to heal my wounds for I believed that He’d be the only healer. After the debridement (removal of dead tissue to seek and promote cell renewal) and an extremely painful experience, my wounds began to slowly grow tissue and finally closed within this two year period.
Doctors were amazed, even said it was a miracle as far as their concern, since they found no medical explanation to correspond, but I knew, and a special feeling in my heart erupted with gratefulness, my scars are still there I no longer wear dresses or skirts, but I can walk with my own two feet, Praise the Lord!! When people say you were “Lucky”, I explain “luck” had nothing to do with it, it was faith.
I moved back to my Country, since I’ve been feeling the urge after the fall of the towers in NYC, I felt I should buy a second home in Chile …. As things have turned out to be, I understand why he has urged me to do so. 28yrs I worked excessively and prayed when I was exhausted, to free me from slave Dom and so he has. 27 yrs I worked with diversified Jewish Business owners, in earning their trust part of my many duties included getting involved with their private lives (schedules, meetings, diners, etc) their Sabbaths celebrations was a part of my responsibility to avoid scheduling. My understanding about the Sabbaths was somewhat in the air, I did not ask details for this was personal and I saw some respected the dates, some did not and some followed the Sabbath on a pagan Calendar. I barely had any private time of my own back then, but now in Chile, in my prayers I have asked the Father to teach me to understand his ways… there were things that were not clear to me in the Bible, I asked him to have me understand and to give me the strength to being able to perform as his will.
Well, without a surprise to me I know how he demonstrates his answers, but I did not expected it so immediately, for the same day I prayed, turned on my desktop and wrote the word “Sabbath” on my search engine, guess what, I got to the “worlds last chance” site to explain all about it, Praise the Lord, haven’t stopped reading since then, tears of joy, loving warm feeling in my heart, I have been worshipping the Father on His assigned times and hope and pray for His forgiveness in Yahushua’s name for all this time I hadn’t sought His truths before, then I pray for the world to come to Him humbled and come out of blindness, I’m no expert, but I seek for perfection under His eyes, I love my mother and I pray for the souls that have wronged me in life and that my heart may stay clear from any resentments, these souls are as lost and blind as we once were… For I thank Yahuwah for leading me to His Divine Plan, how perfect is His Law, Praise His name! our life’s would have been perfect and loving should we have discovered it before and as our parents failed us we too have failed our children, in any other law our agony is everlasting a loveless path. How beautiful to understand The Master Plan, designed to keep us in loving unity (one body), His true appointed times specifically programmed to have us continuously free ourselves from anguish, fears, etc, liberating our hearts from impurities from this world. How healthy and great renewal His intentions for us…..there’s truly no greater Love.
Finding the true Sabbath, his appointed times, brings tears of joy, how fortunate am I … I feel the Father’s giving me the “Ultimate Test”… how can I thank him enough for such an opportunity ? I ask myself…. only by proving myself worthy of this opportunity, so being time is so limited as evil is evolving right before us, I want to make sure my eyes are glued to everything I have missed of His truths, learning all details, that my heart is opened and attentive to Yahushua’s pouring and my mind focused on the Light He’s planting before my feet, my lips in constant prayer, even as I mumble during my sleep and my ears alert to the warnings that tells me it’s time to act on this opportunity. The Creators' Calendar has been hidden by the very one who has kept me lost and suffering, how marvelous Yahuwah, my Father’s loving ways to over and over in history, saved us, give us a way out and back to Him, never failing the obedient ones, I dare not turn from His appointed times for Yahuwah and Yahushua have seen me walk as a lost child in this hell, cried as a child my pains….always to them only …. I’m going home, Hallelujah!
This is my testimony, I have never written one before, but I am so happy to share my experience and thank you for being patient of its length, but so it may shed light to the women and adolescents of today, that it may help you look for his refuge, guidance, light and Salvation. As you can read this parts of my life, from the Heavens have I fallen to an unloving world, he has taken me away from violence, abuse, poverty, off the streets and as a single mother given me more than most husbands and wives can accomplish in a life time, for each injustice done unto me I turned and handed it all to my Elohim, and He’d cleared my path ….. After experiencing the earthquake in Chile last Feb 2010, I have never known a tremor…. Once again, I’ll obey His warning and have prayed thanking Him for all He’s given me and if it’s His will to let my house be sold and point the direction of where to wait for Yahushua’s return, for the materialistic abundance are a temporal gift and comfort He’s given me on earth and I gladly give it all back for His blessed lighted path into Heaven…. If He’ll have me.
Praise Yahuwah Our Heavenly Father and Yahushua Our Saviour and Leader into the Heavenly Kingdom….my Love to you all now true family
Violet (Vikky) Morales
Quilpue, Chile.
