When I was first presented with the insurmountable difficulties of obeying truth, Satan attempted to frighten me with the size of the obstacles and fear of the unknown. But I have to say that I have gained so much in following truth that the price paid truly seems like nothing!
Learning that Saturday was not the true seventh-day Sabbath of scripture was devastating to me. I had spent my entire life going to church on Saturday, believing that it was the Sabbath of the fourth commandment. Learning that all those years when I thought I had been honoring my Maker I had, in actuality, been dishonoring Him, left me in tears - literally.
| Fret not thyself because of evildoers, neither be thou envious against the workers of iniquity. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither as the green herb.
Trust in Yahuwah, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in Yahuwah and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Almighty; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass. Rest in Yahuwah, and wait patiently for Him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. . . . Yahuwah upholdeth the righteous. They shall not be ashamed in the evil time: For Yahuwah loveth judgment, and forsaketh not His saints; they are preserved for ever. Wait on Yahuwah, and keep His way, and He shall exalt thee to inherit the land: when the wicked are cut off, thou shalt see it. The salvation of the righteous is of Yahuwah: He is their strength in the time of trouble. And Yahuwah will help them, and deliver them: He shall deliver them from the wicked and save them, because they trust in Him. (See Psalm 37.) |
After tucking my children into bed, I stayed up late, going over and over the evidence presented. Another thought swiftly loomed larger than anything else: What would I do if my husband did not accept this truth? This was a very real fear to me. Growing up, I had observed a family at church that were thus divided. The mother was Protestant and a member of our church; the father was Roman Catholic. By the time the two girls were adults, they had thrown religion out entirely.
I had five children; the youngest had just turned two. How could I raise my children to love, honor and obey Yahuwah if two different sets of beliefs were continually presented before them in the home? How would they be able to discern truth from error when their parents could not be united on something so important, so basic as the day of worship? Would it go so far as to cost me my marriage? I quickly banished that thought. Surely not! But what of raising the children in a divided home? Would they end up throwing out all religion?
Laying aside my fears, I arrived at a point of decision before going to bed. I consciously chose to obey truth no matter what the cost. I decided that if I had to raise my children in a divided home, the Father would give me the strength and wisdom to enable me to raise the children for Him, even in that environment. I did not have enough information to know for sure whether the lunar Sabbath idea was true or not, but I made a conscious choice to study it out and obey the truth.
This started me on a journey of many conscious decisions. I do not believe that anyone will be saved "by accident." All who are saved will be saved because they chose to accept truth in spite of their feelings. Those who are lost, will be lost because they went along with their feelings. The lost make choices by default when they simply give in to their emotions.
Scripture tells us to "count the cost." I'll be honest: the price of following truth "no matter what the cost" is everything. You will not be called upon to be willing to give up everything. You will be required to actually do it. On the other hand, when you give up everything, the treasures of Heaven open before you and you gain it all back and an infinity beyond that as well!
The first thing we gave up was church attendance and the fellowship we had enjoyed with "like-minded believers." For the first two months, we had Sabbath at home, and went to church on "Church Day." One afternoon, my five-year old came to me and said, "Mama, I'm confused. At Sabbath school they say it is Sabbath but you tell me that it's not. Which is it?"
I was horrified! My mind flashed back to a conversation I'd had as a girl with one of the sisters from the divided home. At church one morning she confessed, "I'm so confused. At my dad's church they say one thing, but I hear something different here. I just don't know what to believe." I realized that for the sake of "fellowship" I had placed my own child in just such a situation. We immediately stopped church attendance and never went back.
Friendships? What friendships? "Can two walk together accept they be agreed?" (Amos 3:3) The last time I spoke with one friend, she warned me that I was under the influence of Satan, I was neglecting my children with all my bible study and I was running so far ahead of the Lord that I would end up being responsible for many souls being lost. She asked, "Are you prepared to be held accountable in the judgment for the blood of all the souls who will be lost because of your influence?"
Another long-time friend accused me of lying when I said no one had yet shown me my error. She accused me of turning my back on the one true church and obstinately refusing to submit my beliefs to the authority of godly pastors who, she was convinced, had contacted me and shown me my error. Other friends actually got angry. Soon, there were no friends. The power of the truth is such, however, that for the first time in my life I could personalize the inspired words of Martin Luther before the Diet of Worms:
I cannot submit my faith either to the pope or to councils [or to pastors!], because it is clear as the day that they have frequently erred and contradicted each other. Unless therefore I am convinced by the testimony of Scripture or by the clearest reasoning, unless I am persuaded by means of the passages I have quoted, and unless they thus render my conscience bound by the word of God, I can not and I will not retract, for it is unsafe for a Christian to speak against his conscience. Here I stand, I can do no other; may God help me.
The more I studied, the more convinced I became of the ancient Sabbath and I was in awe at the beauty and symmetry of unfolding truths, truths that had long been lost and hidden under error, assumption and tradition. The powerful logic of Truth increasingly amazed me, while the illogical emotions of Error were likewise as amazing.
Another sacrifice, calling for another choice, loomed. While my husband at first went along with what I shared, without much study of his own, eventually he came to resent the on-going cost of following truth. To "follow the Lamb withersoever He goeth" does indeed cost everything. In his divorce declaration, he sought full custody of the children, asking that they be removed from my care as a home schooling mother, and placed in the local public school system. His declaration was filled with purposefully selected, politically charged words, accusing me of being a "cult" and living on a "compound" while "brainwashing" the children. All of these and more were deliberately calculated to raise red flags in the mind of any judge and present me as an unfit mother.
It was a very real danger. As a home schooling mother, I had noticed news stories of other home schooling mothers losing custody of their children when accusations of extreme religious beliefs entered the divorce proceedings. I cannot put into words the intensity of fear I felt. To lose my children?? Surely that was not the Father's will! It was a time of much heart-searching, tears and pleading the promises.
One promise that was very precious was one given by Yahushua Himself. "If you ask anything in My name, I will do it." (John 14:14) This meant that anything I asked that was in keeping with the Father's will, I was assured of receiving! I knew that it was not the Father's will for my children's conception of Him as a loving, heavenly Father to be damaged by their earthly father. However, that was the only thing I did know. Beyond that, I did not know what His will was specifically or how He wanted the issues resolved. Adding to the turmoil was that I do not believe in divorce.
About this time, a conviction began to grow in my heart. These are earth's final days. This is a time of victory for Heaven! For 6,000 years, heaven has had to allow the demonstration of Satan's power so that the entire universe could understand truth from error. I thought of all the women throughout time who have loved Yahuwah, but who were "trapped" in marriages where the husband's godless influence had so counteracted the mother's godly influence that the children, swayed by the father's example, were eternally lost.
It made sense that Yahuwah needs people to stand for Him today, though the heavens fall, willing to sacrifice that
| The final events in earth's history are Yahuwah's opportunity to demonstrate His power to save to the uttermost in all circumstances. He needs people who will continue to trust Him through every situation so that He can deliver them. He is limited only by our lack of faith in Him. |
which was even more precious than life itself (which for me, was my children). Yahuwah needed individuals who would trust Him no matter how bad appearances were, so that through them, He could demonstrate His power to save in all circumstances to the very uttermost. I was convicted that, at any time through history, if a woman perceived that her husband's influence was destroying godliness and spirituality in her children, if she had prayed and asked for deliverance, Yahuwah would have provided it. And now, here at the end of time, He needed an opportunity to demonstrate His ability to do that very thing.
I began looking up every single text I could find that used the word "trust." I was amazed at how many, many times we are urged to trust our loving Father in heaven. Surely, I reasoned, if we are repeatedly urged to trust Him so many, many times, it is because He is safe to trust! He has all power and He will make sure that our trust is never betrayed.
Late one night, alone in prayer, I made a deeper surrender than I had ever made before, laying everything on the alter - including my fears. I made a conscious choice, despite my feelings, to trust. Being afraid would not help my situation nor would it entice Yahuwah to give me what I wanted: full custody of my children as well as legal assurance that no child would ever be compelled to go on visitation if he or she did not wish to go. I made a conscious choice, a decision to trust.
After choosing to trust no matter how bad circumstances got, I left the outcome to Yahuwah. It was His job to bring my feelings in-line with my choice. All I could do was choose to trust; it was up to Him to make sure that the result would not betray my trust.
The next day, I got out large poster boards and wrote Bible promises that fit my situation on them. I hung them all over the house: in the kitchen, in the hallway, in the bathroom, the dining room, the living room. I hung one on the wall facing my bed so that it would be the first thing I saw upon awakening, and the last thing I saw at night. Anywhere and everywhere my glance lighted on throughout the day, I hung a promise. I surrounded myself and the children with the embracing promises of His Word.
| "I will contend with [strive, debate, rebuke, conduct a legal case against and make a charge against] him that contendeth with thee [strives, debates, conducts a legal case against you and brings a charge against you], and I will save [set free, deliver, preserve, defend, rescue, keep safe and avenge] thy children." (Isaiah 49:25) |
There were many times I was tempted to fear. However, I continued to choose to trust that He who had started me on this path, would bring me and my "little flock" safely through. In Proverbs 18:10, I read that the name of Yahuwah is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. In court, I silently breathed His name. It was my protection and I claimed it's sheltering protection on behalf of my children as well.
It was not an easy journey. In countless ways, it was very difficult. But I am here today as a witness to the universe, that when a person commits all to the Heavenly Father, He is faithful to save to the very uttermost in even the worst of circumstances. No situation is too bleak, too hard for Him to work a mighty deliverance. Even my attorney was astonished at the concessions granted in the divorce - including full custody and legal assurance that no child would ever be forced to go on visitation if he did not wish to go.
Freed from the belittling influence of their father, the children blossomed. Sibling rivalry disappeared; love for each other and, most importantly, love for their Heavenly Father, grew and grew. The spirit of the home was sweeter, more peaceful, more calm and loving than I had ever dreamed home could be.
Another reality was quick to appear: employment. I had been a stay-at-home mother ever since having my first child, almost 16 years before. What skills did I have to offer in an economy where even long-time employees were being laid off? How could I earn enough to support six people? How could I compete for jobs when I had to have off New Moons and Sabbaths that usually did not coincide with the Gregorian "weekend"? Swallowing my pride, I made an appointment at my local welfare office to see what options or resources were available to me.
| "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it." Philippians 1:6 |
Strangely, my faith was not shaken at all. I remained convinced that the One who had been guiding me all along, had a solution all planned that would meet my specific needs. I claimed the promise: "And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear." (Isaiah 65:24) While I was driving home from the welfare office, I received a phone call. It was not a job offer; it was explaining a small opportunity. By faith, I immediately walked forward.
That "small opportunity" quickly opened up into full time employment - all Sabbaths and New Moons off, and a home-office supplied that would let me stay with the children and allow me to continue home schooling! Is anything impossible for the Almighty? No! He is faithful who has promised.
My Creator provides everything I could possibly need. Isaiah 54:5 promises: "Thy Maker is thy husband." And He is! As my Husband, He provides for our needs far better than my earthly husband ever did. And, as my Husband, He is also the Father of my children. When we need Fatherly council and advice, we open His word, and He directs us what we are to do. When we need comfort, His arms are always there. When I am working, He is the
| I have gained everything and lost nothing by following truth no matter what the cost. |
children's ever-present, stay-at-home Dad whose presence brings peace, contentment and joy.
Life is not easy. Days are long, nights are short and money is tight. It is hard supporting a family of six. But our needs are being met. We are so happy, the children are thriving and home is a peaceful haven. Life is not easy, but life is good. Life is very good. I would never go back for anything.
When I was first presented with the insurmountable difficulties of obeying truth, Satan attempted to frighten me with the size of the obstacles and fear of the unknown. But truly, "Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass." (I Thessalonians 5:24, NASB) I am so very grateful for this truth. I had no concept of how good life could be. I will never regret following in the path of obedience. I have to say that I have gained so much in following truth that the price paid truly seems like nothing! By Yahuwah's grace, I want to always obey immediately in the path He indicates. Only in obedience is there safety, security, contentment, peace and yes, joy untold.