Yahuwah created the human race to reveal in a special way His character of love. Scripture states: “So Elohim created man in His own image; in the image of Elohim He created him; male and female He created them. . . . Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (See Genesis 1:27 & 2:24.)
A couple that is united in their devotion to Yahuwah can be a tremendous influence for good in the world. The home of such a union can be a little heaven on earth in which to prepare for the Heavenly Canaan. In order to have a successful marriage and fulfill Yahuwah’s plan for this most intimate of relationships, it is of vital importance that the right life-partner is selected.
Satan knows the importance of marrying the right person and has sought to disrupt the Father’s wise plan by joining in marriage people who should never be married to each other. Most young people do not have a correct understanding of how to choose a mate. Books, popular music and movies all promote false ideas of love and marriage. Being “in love” is promoted as being necessary for true happiness and emotional fulfillment in life.
However, the “love” presented by the world is confusing and contradictory. When baffled by the world’s version of “love,” young people often ask, “How can I know if I am truly in love?” The standard response is an unhelpful, dismissive, “If you have to ask, you are not!”
Satan is hard at work to lead people into disastrous unions. He succeeds largely by giving people an incorrect understanding of how to select a mate. The world’s success rate in choosing a mate by dating is seen in the sad divorce statistics. In the United States alone, 50% of marriages end in divorce. Of the 50% that remain married, many marriages are not happy.
The world’s standard for getting married is “falling in love” with another person. No other requirement is considered. Multitudes assume that if they love the other person, and the other person loves them, that is all that is necessary for a good marriage. Realities of life and incompatibilities in personalities and life-goals are glossed over with the insistence that “Love conquerors all!” and “Love will find a way!” This method of choosing a mate is invariably doomed to failure because it is based on 1) the woman’s emotions; and, 2) the man’s sex drive.
If the man can convince the woman that he adores her above all other women, she will marry him and give him what he is wanting from her: sex. Thus, in Satan’s counterfeit, neither the man nor the woman are exercising their Yah-given powers of reason. Without realizing it, they are using their lower brain to make life-altering decisions.
This is not Yahuwah’s method for selecting a life partner. If a marriage formed after the world’s pattern is to succeed at last, the couple must move on to form a firmer foundation, one that has the mutual goal of serving Yahuwah individually and each other selflessly. Today’s modern dating scene is Satan’s counterfeit for true, godly courtship. All who wish to honor Yahuwah in their lives and their marriage will set aside the false standards of worldly dating and choose a mate in a way that honors Yah.
There are several steps a person must take in finding a spouse that will have Heaven’s blessing:
- Use your head, your best analysis.
- Look for a godly lineage.
- Court, don’t date.
- Seek godly council.
Use your head
This seems overly simple, but it is not. It is vitally important that a life partner be chosen rationally, logically and by Heaven’s standards. Being sexually attracted to the other person, at this point, is irrelevant. Now is the time to analyze and determine if the other person will make a compatible mate.
By contrast, the world insists that a woman make herself physically attractive to a man so that he will desire her sexually. It is claimed that if there is no sexual attraction, there can be no lasting relationship. This removes the process from the higher powers of the mind to being influenced by nothing more substantial than the weak, vacillating animal passions all primates have. It is not a basis for a lasting and satisfying marriage.
Look for a godly lineage
Horse breeders know that if you cross a thoroughbred with a nag, the foal will not be a thoroughbred. And yet, humans are far less careful in selecting their life partners! It is a scientific fact that physical and spiritual tendencies are passed down through the generations. A person who comes from a long line of hard drinking, hard living people is going to have temptations and inherited tendencies that someone from an abstemious heritage will not have. Likewise, a person whose parents, grandparents and great-grandparents made it a life principle to follow truth, be the cost what it may, will have a superior spiritual heritage that will give them strength in all life’s battles.
When considering whom to select as your life partner, look for a person from a godly lineage. Oftentimes habits of behavior formed in early childhood are hidden in a young person but will come out in middle age. This can lead to great unhappiness and sorrow if one person is seeking to follow Yahuwah and the other reverts to the influences of early childhood and the weaknesses they have inherited.
Court rather than date
Dating, when defined as flitting from one relationship to another and then another in the hopes of finding "The One", is the counterfeit of Heaven-blessed courtship. It can never obtain a compatible mate the way courtship can. In a true courtship, a man considers the young ladies of his acquaintance. He then analyzes which of them is the most spiritual, which is the most dedicated to serving Yahuwah. He will determine if her religious beliefs are compatible with his own. This is of utmost importance because the wife is typically the one that will bear the greatest hands on duties in the day-to-day training of any children that may be the result of their union.
Examine carefully the women of your acquaintance. Choose not hastily nor fix your mind suddenly, for upon a proper choice depends your future contentment and joy and the welfare of your children. (“Wife,” The Book of Morals & Precepts, Book III, Chapter 16.)
A wise man will also consider the woman’s temperament. Is she strong emotionally? Will she be a helpmeet for him, standing by his side to face life’s trials and triumphs? Does she have a calm, peaceful spirit that will ensure harmony in the home and the spirits of the children entrusted to her care? Does she have the wisdom to be a trustworthy partner?
There is but one choice of wife open to the wise man: the best woman he knows. . . . Your wife will, if well chosen, halve your sorrows and double your joys. If chosen foolishly she will multiply your sorrows and dilute your joys with bitterness. (“Wife,” The Book of Morals & Precepts, Book III, Chapter 59.)
All of this is done before he ever approaches the young woman. A dependable wife can be a great blessing to a man. He does not look for a wife that is little more than just another daughter, asking his permission and guidance for every little thing. As his time and energies are often consumed with providing an income, a wise man will seek a wife that can be a true companion and co-worker in the family enterprise.
Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Strength and honor are her clothing; she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household, and does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her.
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears Yahuwah, she shall be praised. (See Proverbs 31:10-12, 25-28, 30.)
A young woman, likewise, must analyze every perspective suitor. She is not to sit wistfully by, waiting for a marriage proposal to “complete” her life. Paul warned: “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, KJV) A home where the husband and wife are not equally committed to faithfully serving Yahuwah in all things is a home where the shadows are never lifted.
Consider the Real Man, the man who reaches out towards godlikeness. He is the man in whom [Yahuwah] has succeeded. He is [Yahuwah’s] elect. . . .
The woman who says, “I will be no man’s unless he be a Real Man,” is a maker of Real Men and serves the purpose of [Yahuwah]. . . .
There are two types of women, true women and common women. The common woman is a fitting mate for the weakling and the true woman a fitting mate for the Real Man. But the dispensations of life are such that common women will desire Real Men for husbands, and weaklings will deceive true women. Therefore, the Real Man must be wise enough to know the difference between a common woman and a true woman, and a true woman must know the difference between a Real Man and a weakling. (Excerpted from The Great Book of the Sons of Fire.)
A young woman has a responsibility to Yahuwah to make sure that she does not join her life to one whose influence will destroy the spiritual training she gives her children. She must analyze if the man who seeks her hand in marriage will be a partner to her, just as she seeks to be a partner to him.
Often, in today’s economy, women are pressured to work outside the home to help support the family. However, this usually doubles the woman’s work as she remains primarily responsible for the home and the children. Far too frequently, the husband is content to leave the wife in charge of cooking, cleaning, shopping and child rearing even when she takes on the added work of earning an income. If he does contribute to the housework, it is at his wife’s request rather than a true sharing of the home duties. A young woman must determine if the man wanting to marry her will be faithful in being a helpmate to her, seeking to protect her and ease her way with his greater strength, just as she plans to help him and be his partner in life. Can he provide for her and future children so she may dedicate herself to home and children?
Choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you can make. Your choice will have far-reaching consequences for the rest of your life. Determining compatibility is very important at this stage. In addition to determining if your religious beliefs and practices are compatible, it is important to learn the other person’s personality traits, his/her threshold for praise or criticism, attitudes toward the opposite sex, parents, children, money, family life, etc.
The best secret after marriage is NO secret. With Yahuwah’s blessing, get to know the person so well that there will be no “unpleasant surprises” after you say “I do.” After rationally analyzing the prospective mate to the best of one’s abilities, the courtship time is the best time to interview the other person. This can be done in a friendly manner, through visiting. But make the conversations count; learn all you can about the other person. Ask questions! Ask questions that cannot be answered with a yes or a no. Ask in a neutral tone. You do not want to influence the other person’s response. Your goal at this time is to learn about the other person. You cannot do that if you spend all the time talking about yourself.
It is very important to understand your own ambitions. Ambitions are more than hopes, dreams and plans. Ambitions are goals that cannot be ignored or even compromised successfully. If your ambitions are in conflict, this is not the person for you. Even in couples where both love Yahuwah, if they do not share compatible goals, a marriage should not be entered into. It does not mean that one person is right and the other wrong. Yahuwah may have called you to different work for Him.
You should also learn the other person’s aversions, whatever he or she dislikes intensely. You do not have to have the same aversions, but you must be sure that your aversions do not conflict with the other person’s ambitions. Aversions and ambitions you should have in common include religious beliefs, money, lifestyles, and child rearing.
Seek godly council
Isaac’s marriage to Rebekah is a good example of courtship and a marriage that had Heaven’s blessing. In seeking a wife, Isaac had godly council in the help of his father and his father’s trusted servant. The very first requirement was that she be of a godly lineage. There were plenty of beautiful maidens near where Abraham and Isaac were living, but more than physical beauty was sought. Beauty of character that only comes from a transformation of heart into the divine image was what they sought for Isaac.
When the servant traveled from Canaan back to Mesopotamia, to Abraham’s relatives, he prayed and asked Yahuwah to guide in the selection of a wife for Isaac. Yahuwah heard and honored that request. When he returned home to Canaan with Rebekah, “the servant told Isaac all things that he had done. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah’s tent, and took Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her.” (Genesis 24:66, 27, KJV)
If you are blessed to have godly parents who are trustworthy, do not hesitate to seek their council. The wisdom gained through life experiences can be a tremendous help and blessing to you when seeking a mate. Not everyone has parents that can be trusted this way. If you do not have a parent that is fully surrendered to Yahuwah’s will, you are not to be compelled to marry someone of their choosing. Your first and foremost responsibility is to Yahuwah and serving Him. All other relationships must be secondary to that one.
If you do not have parents who can provide godly council, you may seek it from an older friend, if available. A mentor who fears Yahuwah can offer valuable insight into seeking a life partner.
Even if you are all alone and have no earthly friend to turn to for advice, you can always ask council of Yahuwah. He will be your mother, your father, your wisest guide and closest companion. “When my father and my mother forsake me, then Yahuwah will take care of me.” (See Psalm 27:10.) You can always ask your Heavenly Father for advice. “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of Yahuwah, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5, Restored Names Scripture)
Yahuwah delights to answer the prayer of faith. He will not leave you alone in such an important matter. If you will determine to surrender all things to His will, He will guide you in safe paths. In order to encourage you to have the faith to ask, Yahushua said:
Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:7-11, NKJV)
If you wish to marry, you do not need to fear that Yahuwah will arbitrarily keep you single. The only reason He would not bring someone to you is if there were no person available whose union with you could be blessed.
Yahuwah created within each person the desire for companionship with a life partner. You can trust Yahuwah to bring you together with such a person, if there is someone available. Your longings for a life partner will be blessed with someone Yahuwah brings you or, until such time, He will complete and fulfill your life. He knows what would best bring you happiness and He wants that for you. “'For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,' says Yahuwah, ‘thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.'” (Jeremiah 29:11, Restored Names Scripture)
Surrender everything to Yahuwah. He will guide you in safe paths and your life, your marriage, committed to Him, will glorify His name.
“Delight yourself also in Yahuwah and He shall give you the desires of
Commit your way to Yahuwah. Trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass.”
(Psalm 37:4, 5, Restored Names Scripture)