When my first child was laid in my arms, one thought was paramount in my mind: “I’m ultimately responsible for this tiny life. No one else. Even if a babysitter should harm her when I’m not there, I’m still responsible as I chose who could stay with her.”
As believers, we wish to raise our children to be citizens of Yahuwah’s kingdom. Sure, getting them a good education, hoping they find the right spouse, and being financially secure are all things we hope for them, but the over-arching concern driving every hope and desire is to enter Yah’s kingdom with our children at our side.
The problem confusing a lot of parents is that Scripture really does not give a lot of particulars about just how we are to do that.
Ephesians 6:4 says: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but raise them up in the discipline and instruction of [Yahuwah].” Proverbs 13:24 concurs, stating: “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” With memories of being punished as a child, it is easy to assume that discipline is the same thing as punishment, but the two are actually not the same at all.
Discipline ≠ Punishment
The American Heritage Dictionary defines discipline as: “Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement. … Controlled behavior resulting from disciplinary training; self-control.”
The greatest gift we can give our children is to teach them self-control. That comes with discipline. As parents, it is our Yah-given responsibility to train our children, to instruct them in righteousness and in all the godly behaviors we wish them to exhibit. The foundation of discipline is self-control. Soldiers have discipline. Athletes and gymnasts are very disciplined, as are musicians, artists, and anyone who, through practice, has honed any skill.
Parenting is hard. Yes, it’s rewarding but let’s be honest: parenting done right is hard work! Children aren’t born knowing how to make their beds every morning. They’re not born knowing to brush their teeth, share their toys, work diligently, be honest, and not throw temper tantrums. This comes with training. A child that’s allowed to hit when angry grows up to hit his wife or his boss. He may even end up in jail, giving the government a chance to teach through punishment what the person failed to learn through discipline as a child.
Train up a child in the way he should go
When training our children, it is important to understand the difference between sinfulness and childishness. Not every last little thing is a spiritual attack or a spiritual victory. Some things are simply biological. Some things are simply the consequences of living in a sinful world. Just as it is not a sin to be human, neither is it inherently sinful to be a child. Childishness is not, in and of itself, sinful.
Luke 2:52 is frequently translated as “[Yahushua] increased in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with [Yahuwah] and with people.” But in the original, instead of using the past tense of “increased,” the Greek uses an intransitive verb. In other words, it says Yahushua kept increasing in wisdom and stature and in favor with Yah and people.
Yahushua was perfect as a three-year-old, but not with the wisdom and experience of an adult. He was perfect as a 9-year-old, a 17-year-old, but again, not the wisdom he had as a 30-year-old. Childishness is not sinfulness and should not be treated as such. What does need to happen, however, is training. Instruction. Proverbs 22:15 clarifies this point, saying: “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.”
So, yes. Children need correcting, but not for the state of being a child, and never, ever in anger. That simply teaches “might makes right.”
And when he is old, he will not depart from it
Proverbs 22:6 is an interesting, frequently misunderstood promise. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” As parents, we like to interpret this as a guarantee that if we do everything right, our grown children will be faithful, devout Christians, but that’s not what this is saying at all.
Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.”
|
Yahuwah will never coerce the will. Our children are individuals who have the Yah-given right to accept or reject salvation, just as we do. What this promise assures us is that when they are old, our children will not be able to get away from the principles and godly values instilled in childhood. They may do their best. They may run as far and as fast as they can, but those truths instilled in childhood will remain in their hearts even if they refuse to live by them.
As parents, it’s easy to assume that our job is to convince our kids of what is truth. We want them to make the choices we feel are right. And let’s face it: sometimes our grown children do make wrong choices for which they then must live with the consequences. But it is not our job to convict anyone. That’s the Holy Spirit’s job.
Yahushua promised that after his ascension, he would send the Comforter to do a very special work: “And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment.” (John 16:8) If you will put in the time, energy and effort to train your children, if you will instruct them in righteousness and truth, if you will correct them and teach them the discipline of self-control, Yahuwah will bless your efforts.
Isaiah 49:25 assures us of Yahuwah’s blessing: “For I will contend with him who contends with you, and I will save your children.” The word contend in the Hebrew means to plead, strive, and debate. It also means to defend. In other words, Yahuwah promises to do everything in His power to save our children. Then, when they are old, no matter what choices they may make in later life, the seeds planted in childhood will always be there for Yah’s spirit to work with and woo for Him.